He's a Romanticizer Man
by Schyzotypal X
Summary: "Please tell me you're not really into THAT, please tell me that you're a lesbian."-otherLucyotherNatsu,LucyNatsu-


My second Fairy Tail fic where I deface yet another of my favorite pairings.

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**He's a Romanticizer Man**

To Lucy this new world is disconcerting at its best and downright upsetting at its worst. Sure there's all this piffle about evil kings and the destruction of Fairy Tail but right now Lucy can't help but be a little bit more concerned about the fact that the other Lucy seems so much better at the game of seduction than she is.

Though they have the same endowments (big boobs, round hips, and downright ADORABLE faces) the other Lucy is **so** much more skilled at using hers. She does it like it's her _job_ or something (and with the way she dresses, Lucy's pretty sure it probably is).

Sure Lucy has steeped the ground with her fair share of male saliva, but the other Lucy does it without even a passing glance. As she walks down the street towards them Lucy is sure she can actually hear the audible thumps of jaws dropping to the ground.

Even worse is the fact that the other Lucy barely seems to notice what a stunner she is. She breezes by men ranging from adequate to Adonis-ly gods of wonderment without even batting an eyelash. Sure Lucy has just the slightest of crushes on Natsu, but she would drop him in a second for about half of the guy's that express their 'interest' in the other Lucy.

This leads Lucy to come to the conclusion that the other Natsu must be the hottest thing since some sort of Edward Cullen/Harry Potter hybrid in this world.

Not hard to imagine seeing as everything in this world is so very backwards and her own Natsu still has trouble with the concept of personal hygiene.

As soon as the other Lucy introduces him to her however, Lucy realizes how sadly wrong she is.

It is clear to Lucy now, her fatal mistake. The other Lucy isn't a woe-ed woman. She isn't' holding out for a hero. She isn't someone who's uber hot boyfriend has desensitized her to the rest of the male population.

The other Lucy is just stupid. Totally, utterly, unforgivably stupid.

"T-this is Natsu?" Lucy asks, jaw dropping as she points towards the sniveling pink mass before her. And she thought Natsu with motion sickness was bad…

She turns to the other Lucy, who is nodding proudly, as if the boy before her is not crying his eyes out simply because someone looked at him sort of funny-ish. Lucy shudders, staring at her with wide eyes. "Pleeeeaaaase tell me you aren't into him. Please tell me you two aren't together. Please tell me you like Grey, Elfman, Gazille! Anybody!" She whirls, cradling her head in her hands. "Please tell me that you're a lesbian. Luvia maybe? Or ERZA even?"

The other Lucy is scowling now and the other Natsu lies on the ground, whimpering.

"Don't' go talking about him like that!" The other Lucy defends. "Natsu is a very nice boy."

"Dear god!" She hears Gazille say in surprise from behind her. "That's a BOY?"

The other Natsu wails and the real Natsu struggles to comfort him, offering another chance to play mimicry.

"C'mon man, it'll really be fun!" Natsu smiles prodding the other him gently.

The other Natsu responds with a theatrical wail, eyes and nose running disgustingly all over his face. "W-why is everyone s-so m-mean!" He retreats into another room of the inn they are staying in. Lucy watches him go, feeling physically ill just by looking at him.

The other Lucy whirls, glaring at her. "Now look what you've gone and done. He's very sensitive you know."

Lucy gapes at her. "Please tell me that this is all some elaborate and horrible joke. Please don't' tell me you actually _want_ **that.**"

The other Lucy scowls with renewed vigor. "So what if I do? He's cute."

"Excuse me!" Lucy tosses her arms into the air. "Did you see that…that…THING?"

"Don't call him that" The other Lucy growls. "He's sweet and kind and _cute_ and he's more romantic than you can ever hope this shmuk to be!" She motions to Natsu, who is currently being lectured by Gazille on the finer points of whatever the other Lucy _wants_ from the other Natsu.

Oh god. He's taking notes.

"Natsu can be romantic!" Lucy snaps, not realizing her own words.

"Oh really," The other Lucy asks, raising a single cocky eyebrow.

"Really!"

"Fine, what did he get you for your birthday last year?"

Lucy falters at this, before returning to her original state with renewed vigor. "Scented candles, designer, all my favorite scents too."

"Didn't he _eat_ those?" Gazille interjects. Lucy throws him a glare over her shoulder and wonders why exactly he had to come along at all.

"HEY! They smelled good and they were on fire!" Natsu says to him in his own defense. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Did he now?" The other Lucy is soo very smug and Lucy realizes it is for good reason, Natsu really _is_ just a terrible romantic.

"Well at least there are other romantic men in my life!" Lucy squeals finally, feeling like a fifth grader.

"Oh yeah, like who?"

Lucy fumbles for a response. "Like-like…Loki! He's super romantic and HOT!"

"Fine. Bring him out!" The other Lucy challenges.

Lucy responds by digging around in her pocket for a second to find Loki's key. It hasn't been used in a while and there's a fair amount of pocket lint stuck in its ridges. Still, it glows with warmth and magic as Lucy summons Loki. He appears in his suit, looking dashing as always, if not a bit confused.

"What am I to do here Lucy-cha-"

"Loki!" Lucy cuts him off, shouting his name just a few decibels too high.

He winces, before smiling at her with pasted on charm. "Yes my swee-"

"Do something romantic!" Lucy demands like a spoiled eight year old.

Loki blinks for few moments, before allowing a slow, smug, borderline-lecherous grin spread over his face. "As you wish my lady."

He coughs dramatically, dropping to one knee as his hand goes for his chest, the other rising to motion poetically through the empty air.

The other Lucy raises an eyebrow and Lucy sighs. Damn. Maybe Loki wasn't the best choice…

"But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Lucy is the sun!"

Lucy smacks her forehead with her hand with a resounding slap. She should have known Loki would do this, he's hamming it up so much she could make a Sunday picnic's worth of sandwiches.

"See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand, That I might touch that cheek!" He continues, ignorant of the disapproving stares everyone in the room but Natsu is sending him.

"Loki…" Lucy begins, sighing as she concedes defeat. Loki turns to her, motioning towards her face with his poetic hand. The one that isn't placed firmly over his heart.

"She speaks! O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art. As glorious to this night, being o'er my head!"

"Loki you can stop now." He trails off un-climatically, starring at her, looking more than a little disappointed.

"Oh." He says, slowly. "Alright then."

The room is silent except for the smug chuckles of the other Lucy.

"Dude." Natsu says slowly, after a moment of thought. "That was sooooo lame."

Loki blinks. "Excuse me?"

Lucy sighs, turning to the other Lucy.

"Is the other Grey single?" She asks in defeat.

"No, he's set on Lluvia," the other Lucy says, patting her shoulder comfortingly.

Lucy feels tears fill her eyes as she casts another glance around the room, gaze falling dejectedly upon the pierced visage of the only hope she has left.

"No." Gazille says, voice flat and merciless.

Lucy sighs heavily. "Damn it."

**Fin.**

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Hope you enjoyed this new installment of my summer ficsplosion.

-Schyzotypal X


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